so, i believe we all need community.  i believe we all need other people who poke their heads around our lives and speak truth in.  i believe we all need people to love, who love us back to make us whole.  but, i've realized this week we need community for another reason. we need a context to exist in. 

i started dating this guy.  he and i have had conversations about a wide range of topics and are in the "getting to know you" process.  but, i've met most of his close friends and realized that meeting them gave me a greater sense of him, too.  the other night we were talking and i blurted out "i really do have friends!"  he laughed and asked why i thought he was concerned, since he wasn't.  well, i thought, "i just make more sense in context."  it's true for all of us, i think.  i do make more sense as part of a whole.

this is why i think family is so important and why it's hard off at school some times.  even to my closest friends who know me best...there is a greater level of understanding for those that have really gotten to know my family, also.  i think it's also why it's so hard to go home for the holidays.  our families most often see us as their child.  our churches see us as the little girl that grew up on their pews.  our hometowns have claim on us to as "givers of quirk,"  but none of them see the us that we became at school.  they don't know the guy we went n our first "college date" with.  they don't know our roommate or the love-hate relationship we have with each other.  they don't know our "new" best friend.

so, here's to those that give me context, give me a whole to be a part of, help me make sense.  i riase my glass to you and offer you my sincerest grattitude.  without all of the crazies that you give my life, i would be a lonely eccentric.  however, with you i'm balanced at best, and a crazy among crazies at worst.  i'd take it as a compliment either way.  i hope you do, too.

i have found myself these last few days in the middle of quite a bit... "ich brauche eine pause."

i have spent the last 4 months living in germany.  i have spent the time falling in love with the people, the culture, the language, the church, the sights, the sounds, and even the smells.  and, now i find myself on the day of alfred´s 69th birthday, 1 day before i preach, and 3 days before i spend 12 hours on 2 different planes leaving this place.  on this day i find myself with a deep hurt and a desire to stay.   i leave it for matt, because 4 months is too long not to have seen him even once.  i leave it for school, because i have to finish.  i leave it because it was always only borrowed time.  i leave it because it´s time. 

i still have to edit my sermon a few more times before i preach.  i still have to wrap a christmas present or two.  i still need to write the mound of thank you notes and merry christmas´ that lie before me, undone.  i still need to pack the 23 kg i am allowed per the two bags that will accompany me home and then sneak the tinciest bit more that will fit in my backpack and purse.  i still have to say goodbye to too many faces.  i still have to muster up the strength to walk out the front door of the kaiser´s house...the house that is now home to me.  this house i must walk out of not knowing when i´ll have the time or money to come back.

but god has been good to me.  he was good to have led me to baylor, even when it meant leaving georgia.  he was good to give me friends and a church that became my family in waco.  he was good to send my parents a few years later to texas, too.  he was good to give me a break.  he was good to use me here.  he´ll be good as i finish up school and try to figure the rest out, too.

for some other thoughts, see the blog i tried to keep during my time as a semester missionary at http://jgiles.blogspot.com .

today i pick up a friend from the airport.  she's spent the last month working with missionaries in spain, coming up with a prayer walking guide for others that will follow her to seville, among doing other things i am sure. 

i have another friend in senegal, northern africa.  she is giving medical attention to people that have never had any, and all in the name of christ.

matthew returns saturday from drilling wells in africa for the last month and a half with his dad.  they gave water to people that didn't have any.

i have been living at home and working with students since may 21st.  i am tired, but so blessed by their stories.   god is so evident in their lives and they are SUCH an encouragement to me and the rest of the church!  so far we've gone to super summer (which is a descipleship camp for the youth group's leaders) and yec (youth evangelism conference).  this week we're ministering to the kids in our congregation and community through VBS in the mornings and sports camp in the afternoons.  we've started a weekly college Bible study.  we've started a service ministry to do yard work and light construction for those that need help, such as shut ins, single moms, and the elderly.  we have several students that feel called to missions for next summer and beyond.  man, we're going to have to do a lot of fundraising!  we've taught them the importance of prayer by prayer walking with them ALL the time. 

the thing is, though.  it has nothing to do with us.  "us" being chris and i.  we're the youth interns for the summer.  we have just prayed over the kids A LOT. and we've prayed over our leadership A LOT, that we would have words to share when necessary that are not our own, and that we would know when to be silent and listen and just follow.  so, basically we've given guidance and equipped them to do the work Christ calls the body to.  We've encouraged and affirmed and PRAYED. 

there's no way chris and i should be able to work together, let alone be friends.  and yet, we are.  we have no idea what we're doing.  we aren't being given much guidance.  and yet, god is faithful.  the students are not the same. they are changed.  they are praying in public.  they are asking about starting ministries.  they want to disciple younger students.  they yearn to be discipled.  they are searching for wisdom and truth.  they want to see their world changed and they believe God can do it.  they believe God wants to use them and they are listening for the when and how.

i will be leaving in a little over a month to go to Germany.  I finally got my job description last week.  I have since spoken with my supervisor, the missionary in Germany.  I have spoken with the pastor of the church I'll be working with.  I even know the names of my host family.  I'll put all that up soon.  It's very exciting.

I just think it's neat to see what God is doing all over the world.  I have friends on every continent.  We live in such a global community.  The more I learn about other cultures, the more I realize we're all the same, we just express things differently.  Praise God, for we have been fearfully and wonderfully made.

I have also had lots of time to READ.  and, i've wanted to for the first time in more than a long while.  I've read so much.  More on all that soon, too.

Father, bring Ginnie home from Spain even as she travels now.  Bless the rest of her summer as she works with kids at T bar M.

Give Erin patience and peace about her summer and about your future plans for her.  Fill her with hope again.

Bless Lindsay and Brad's marriage.  Be with Chelsea and Jeremy.  Be with Annie and Will.  Bless their lives together as they begin to live.  Draw them to you and each other.  Make their marriages reflect your grace, forgiveness, patience, and holiness.

Give Kirby strength as she is in classes. Be with her family.  May she find herself in your hands each morning, afternoon, and evening.

Be with Laura as she lifeguards.  Give her strength and wisdom to shine of your love in her relationships.  Help her guide others toward you.

Father, be with Becka and Lindsay and Becky and Mary Lisa.  Thank you for the friendships I built with them this year.  May they continue to question, discuss, and trust. 

Bring Maria home safely from Puerto Rico.  Give her a heart that is thankful for her family and full of patience.  Give her joy this summer.  Be with Sean as he works.  Raise men and women around him.

Thank you father for Lauren, her words of encouragement this year have meant so much.  Thank you for her desire to know you more and be a blessing to others.  Assure her of your plans for her.  Give her boldness and courage as she leads in your name.  Bless the ministries she works and leads in this next semester.

Creator and Sustainer, be with Matt and his Dad.  Bring them home safely.  Bless their time together as a family this summer.  Give Melissa perserverance as she begins school. 

Father, you know the many needs of those on my heart.  Give me words as I pray for them and for my relationships with them.  Help me to be a blessing to them, always encouraging and uplifting.  Remove all pride and selfishness from me.  Make me a vessel of truth.  Deepen my hunger and thirst for righteousness...for YOU.